Jeannie LaPlatney, Study Abroad

La profesora histérica

From: Jeannie LaPlatney
Date: Mon, Nov 19, 2007 at 5:08 PM
Subject: Greetings from Valencia: la histeria
To: Jeannie LaPlatney

I came out of class feeling absolutely exhausted and sat down next to María who was waiting to go in. I just looked at her, my mouth agape, slowly blinking, shoulders hunched in a mix of defeat and fatigue. No amount of yoga can fight that or the loss of serenity. She saw my expression and knew what was wrong. “I know,” she said, “I have three. I really,” she paused, closing her mouth. I know she was measuring how much to reveal to me, a relative stranger, but she went on, “I just. I just want to strangle them!” Her false starts and uneven pitch, rising at the end of the sentence, conveyed her frustration. I understand it can led to violent fantasies. I half laughed and looked out on the patio. You see, María is a very soft-spoken, sweet woman whom I would never associate with violence. Hearing María admit her homicidal fantasy is tantamount to fair and balanced news coverage coming from Fox.¹ But it seems this particular bunch of first-year university students has us all at the end of our ropes, which we want to use to string them up!
I have instituted a quiz every day, which is no party for me, since I need to correct them all,² and an elaborate points system where they are either tested every day and get a zero for the class period or, when they are good, get to hear a song and work on the lyrics. Unfortunately, the first time they earned this reward, we talked about Rihanna’s Umbrella, the anthem-du-jour of the discoteca scene, and they got so excited that they I could not even finish the end. I finally said, in Spanish, “I’m tired of talking to you. I’m leaving,” and so I did. That was the day María admitted what would normally be fodder for a Jerry Springer episode.
And it is not just us or this class. Eva has tried to purposefully create feedback on the microphone. When the effects of that wore off, she told them about her pregnancy and that she might miscarry if she had to keep screaming. Another soft-spoken, small woman, whose name I cannot remember but sounds an awful lot like “pee pee,” said she just wants to stop talking, but is afraid of what will happen. Noelia seems to have things under control, going the same route I am: tough love and thorough intimidation. One kid came into office hours and asked her if he was enrolled and she looked at him and asked, “How am I supposed to know who you are? I have three hundred students and you haven’t been coming to class. Send me an e-mail and I’ll see.” I wanted to jump up and execute a roundhouse kick, Charlie’s Angles style to celebrate our awesome girl power. Unfortunately I think I need a whole lot more leather gear for that. I have to settle for yelling, “Shut up and be quiet. You are really pissing me off!” Luckily, no one, neither teachers nor students, knows what that means. It is kind of like screaming into a pillow.
Thursday, though, when they were behaving very well, I suspect since the daily quiz had gone into effect, I realized what might be part of the problem. You see, often when I have scolded them, I have done it in English for various reasons, such as the ability to use four letter words with impunity, but those days might be over. I was demonstrating the use of pitch to convey emotion in English. (Spanish pitch is very even compared to English). I gave them several examples of a sad, happy and then annoyed tone all with the same sentence. When I asked them what I was communicating through pitch with the “annoyed” tone, they told me with no hesitation, “hysteria”. Hmm. Well it is a fine line, but it is the difference between my problem and theirs. Luckily for my students, they know it is me, not them.
Miss you all in the US,
La profesora histérica

P.S. Don’t misread this e-mail and think I am unhappy! I am really great. The American students are amazing. I love them to death and will miss them a lot when they take off in a month.



¹ In a very disturbing revelation, I learned Fox News is the only American news broadcast here. CNN has a channel, but it is produced here. The British get the BBC and we get Fox. That's like… well, exactly like putting George Bush next to Tony Blair (I have no reference for the new PM). Yikes! Hence the "Death Bomb" theories. It is all making more sense to me.
² …which is even harder than normal, since I have to give two quizzes to each class since they cheat. They even cheated on the initial language assessment exam I gave them, which they were told several times in Spanish would not be for a grade!